The people monitoring me in private keep acting coy.  I already am feeling very low too much, and they think they have to upset me.

They are covering "new territory."

They just keep "pushing it" like I can't feel upset when it's appropriate to feel so.

People are too stupid or delirious to figure out if they are hurting me.

They keep appearing from behind the curtains with more problems.

They were acting autistic again, like they can deconstruct my thoughts and say I'm causing trouble for something related or that might have come up, like I'm awkward and that therefore a Late Boomer European older lady I'm supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with should be ruined.

I keep feeling like I should die, but I wouldn't take my life, but here they are all fresh like nothing matters and I should just ignore all this.

I keep feeling pressure that it's about following this lady into death and never really living.  They are trying to make me feel worse about this.

They can't "do the math" themselves and wonder why I'm in bed recuperating longer, instead of finally setting my room up and to practice violin and learn German.

They've gotten meaner and meaner to me without recovery and like I'm really bad honing in on and noticing and paying attention to a "relationship" I'm supposedly supposed to have with an older Late Baby Boomer European.

They follow my wondering about what they desire of me, and then they address it and it comes into effect.

I've been hearing the "relationship" with the lady is cancelled, just because I was feeling bad from the people monitoring me in private being mean and I realized something very mean how I was communicated.

People think this lady needs all this attention to feel better in older age and like she will be in Heaven or something, but they sacrificed me, like the older lady can talk to me instead, but then she's not really and they suggested I could never see her because I felt bad yesterday.  They also went back and said she must have been involved and if I so much as felt upset it's unacceptable.

I've been feeling so low, and they think they must go on and be mean to me, anyway.  They gave up on that I would have a better time because the people monitoring me in private kept punishing me for thoughts etc. and little things that ticked them off, and then I showed a sign of physical anger, for awhile and still being teased by others, to do with proximity of something to do with the lady.  It's pretty much been over, like that's okay.  Now, I feel like dying, I see, though.  That's okay?  Someday, the lady will die, and I don't feel like being left over in this world, as Baby Boomers's hand are held on their way to glory, while I feel like dying and still have to go through life, feeling bad from the past and my "relationship" with the lady ruined.

I didn't do anything that bad, but people can treat me how they want and they still get treated with respect, other people.  I'm a good person and have been my whole life.  People get mad if they can figure out a way.

It's inconvenient for people to be nice to me, and they decide to notice more things now and admit it.

I don't feel like putting up with living in a world suddenly centered about Late Baby Boomers dying or "taking it" all from people who really have people old enough to be their parent dying as they hit their 80s and 90s.  My "relationships" have already been compromised, in the process.

It's like the older lady is favored by all, while it's over for me.

I was left hanging in the last group home like things may not get better, I felt sometimes.

Others keep their relationships with others involved and get that sense of natural security, like I'm not good enough for that, too, though.

In the end, I don't get a lot of things and have problems others don't.  Something comes up, when I'm mistreated like I am not allowed to feel bad.  It's made into a big deal.  However, it doesn't matter anymore to others and it's okay if I'm not okay in the end.

They keep acting like it's my fault they act so silly and do everything in cycles and have messages pop up..

The people monitoring me in private keep tormenting me like I'm bad when I already have been feeling bad and make fun of me and act like they will make an older European Late Baby Boomer lady I'm supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with ruined.

It's also like they want to beat me until I'm callous, unfeeling, and rather dead.

I don't see how life will be okay if the lady dies, as they are focusing on her having a good life and like I can't be as happy with her.

I thought, if I moved out of Orlando, people would stop being crazy to me.  The people monitoring me in private keep ruining my life, too.  Apparently, it didn't work.  What can I do, now?  It would probably be nicer in Europe/Germany, but I don't know how to support myself there.  Maybe, they have group homes, too.

Every time the page loads, the people monitoring me in private set it to send me a message, and lately it's all been about seeing me as tacky and submissive and a loser.  It's something mean all the time from them, like I blew it.  Every little thing also gets them worked up.  I might have been happier otherwise, just got to a new group home with a nice room as the top/3rd floor and it's pretty quiet.  I've been feeling very badly, and this only makes it worse.  I keep feeling reminded an older Late Boomer European lady I'm supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with will die well before me, probably.

Everyone is emotionally abusive to me now.  I got underground famous, and I met an older Late Baby Boomer European lady I'm supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with, but she became underground famous over me like there's something wrong with me.  It's been approaching 5 years, and now it seems it will never end.  Some people keep acting like I'm nothing and she should be distracted, famous over me.  Now, I can't stand being around some other people and know someday she could die.  They are using my distance personal life with her to "use" things and belittle me, like if I like her and respect her they think that means she's better etc.  They like her because she's smart about emotional things and they discovered her, but I think it's to ruin it for me.  They already were mean to me all the time.  They claimed my dad would hurt me if they were nice to me.  He thought he had to do it because my mom acted unreasonably sometimes or lasting for awhile.  He really seemed to have a problem, though.  They didn't seem worried about my future, and now they are dead.  I'm mostly upset the older lady will die someday and I will be left alone.  I'm supposed to have a sole relationship with her, like instead of trying to interact with too many other people, not sure how her social life is supposed to be affected.  Also, people are trying to get her to lose her grip on me and making me feel okay regarding when she dies.  Some people are going wild and getting their personality out doing this, some just saying I'm nothing straight out because she seems so much better and maybe because they are mean to me anyway and I'm younger like many of them.  I also am sad I lost some connection with some people to do with her.  It was supposed to be good and discover and treat feelings.  I showed physical anger in private in proximity to something to do with the lady and so now it's been very depressing and now with less sign of hope.  I was trying to hint earlier in this post that I thought she was better in many ways, but I still had my relationship with her, and now they say I finally succumbed, like I'm weak.  They're on a case to track my personal life with her, and I my relationship with her may seem to suffer in some ways, but they're annoying in general to be around.  Every little problem can escalate because I know she will die someday.  I get indicated I'm not worth it anymore to some people I can't avoid.  The people monitoring me in private won't stop clowning around with my sad life.  Also, now people say I'm not all that and what about everyone else and their kids, like they think I shouldn't have this "relationship," if they can't have it to but like I'm bad now.

The people monitoring me in private won't stop acting like they're so smart making up ways they are acting like I'm saying and doing things in a tacky way.  It's when the page loads and little ticks and noises I hear, like around my room in the walls, which has been happening for 16 years.  I've felt disconnected from the world, as a person, and my dad acted like it didn't matter and he didn't care.

Every little thing cripples me even more emotionally/psychologically/psychiatrically. It's painful, and I feel it in my head, like I'm totally affected.  Still, the people monitoring me in private have to go like clockwork like that means I need to be disciplined, and every little thing cripples me more.

Yesterday, they made a big deal of how things went, and I feel almost unrecoverable today.

I get poked at for any little flaw, like if I don't look totally attractive in some way.

The world also is acting up about me all the time, at least in the Cleveland area, like Orlando did.

I think I've experienced too much pain when already wounded, and I don't see how I can feel better.

The world is focusing on Late Baby Boomers dying someday and an older Late Boomer European lady I'm supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with is also being focused on.  I had a feeling death would not be a special problem and maybe there'd be a Heaven.  However, I feel as though that's not so, anymore, and I have a life of Hell to live before I die.

It's like no one ever meant for my life to be okay, like they lost it, are immature, unstable around me, take their own frustrations and jealousy out on me, etc., and the people I hear or see or come into contact with also do this.

I just keep getting more and more negativity.  I'm blamed for not having practiced violin enough while my mom got sick and died over maybe 2 years and then my dad.  I think people are using it against me.

I may not have to have given up on life, but it seems some people have no choice.

I'm not as upset about being older, especially since people look young longer.

I'm a bit upset if I have children late.  I'm not even sure who I'd marry.  I do want to move to Europe and am interested in Germany now for classical music but sad musicians are just getting older.

They also won't stop acting like someone else talking to me in place of the other lady, like I did something when I saw something she did and liked.  That's also points against me and inconvenient.  They acted like the lady is to blame, and it's crazy.  They keep having an inclination to blame her, when she's not some weirdo like they want to think.

I do need to hit the gym.  I want to make money acting and move to Germany, learn German, and hopefully can play violin, but I got mad the days I watched "The Ellen DeGenres Show" and hit my table and damaged the nerves in my arms and feel big and clumsy and blamed and ridiculed for it.

The people monitoring me in private keep beating on me and making life hard.  I was so happy with my new group home, but they had to butt in and probably blame the lady.  They really got something going.

Still, things aren't the same and feel like death since I showed physical anger in private because it was in proximity of something to do with the lady.  It was because of the people monitoring me in private just sitting there time after time like I'm punished and it's okay if I show any physical sign of anger or think of something like a curse word.  It's supposed to get better, but now I don't see the way.  They just got more mean.  It was a problem for the lady that I was defensive when my parents were mean to me, and so they are always more mean to me now.  They have little responsibility for their actions.  They poke at me if I feel bad or if I stop because I feel so abused.  I don't know how I could rest in peace, but I wouldn't take my life.

I feel like this was the last straw, and I can't recover, but I probably will feel better after I can make it to the gym.  I was just resting from the move and ventured to see a special classical concert.

Also, if I feel bad or something, they threaten the lady will not be "all that" and seem to tease and poke at me a lot that they will ruin her.

It's about people who've been in my life getting things over me, too, like I've done something.  People are crazy, and I can't seem to overcome past problems with other things, on top of this strange cause.

Any little thing makes it worse, and the people monitoring me in private think they can come out and do whatever they want and I don't "get" what I had before.