I've been feeling unbelievably sad and hurt, and I feel the pain from my brain.

I leave tomorrow and all should be better, but I've been feeling worse and worse until then.

Supposedly, Ellen DeGeneres is sending me messages, using the people monitoring me in private.  She is mad and hurts me even when I'm low.  The people monitoring me in private act like what they say to me and how they say they affect an older European lady I'm supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with ... they act like what they do doesn't matter.

They hurt me now for posting about problems like this again like it's okay and I'm also feeling that bad.

The people outside keep reciting problems from them, too, as they drive by, and it also stings me, like it's okay to test me when I already feel this bad.

The world is pacing the life of the lady to death, like my "relationship" with her suffers, instead.

The people monitoring me in private have gone off the deep end.  They are mean to me "just in case" I have any attitude or feel anything in any negative way.  I'm on the computer, and they control when the screen loads and I hear noises, like in the kitchen.  They keep hurting me all the time.

I'm feeling worse and worse every day.

Everyone is just tearing into me with my "relationship" I'm supposedly supposed to have with an older lady, trying to affect her, etc.

People are too delirious and bitter about their own lives to stop ruining mine, which has been made available.

I just heard, even wanting to move to Germany, Ellen DeGeneres will force people there to torture me, like I have no escape or happiness waiting for me.  Ellen DeGenres is said to be threatening me, like about death, too, and when I already feel like dying, prying into my relationship with the lady like of course it's that way.

The people monitoring me in private keep acting insecure and taking out their frustration on me, like they have to and it's about making them feel better in this way.

I'm just being beat all the time like I don't matter and I feel so bad, already.

I know when I showed physical signs of anger alone in my room in proximity of something to do with the lady, it was like it was over.

They are just sitting there like it doesn't matter.  People just keep doing it.  For posting this, they are ruining it even more.

They won't stop saying things about how people make me feel who I am in bad ways.  It's just getting worse since I posted here.  No one cares if I'm miserable.  They are prying into my private life and "relationship" with the lady.  They are trying to ruin her.  They said everything is ruined for posting this, when posting this is a good thing.  Plus, they made more worse problems for posting here.

The people monitoring me in private are immature and don't take things seriously.

Everyone is just going along.

They say it's unstable with the lady, too, found it was such a big deal and decided to try to ruin it.  She's getting older, too.

Now, people outside are saying worse things about me, just because I posted this, feeling like I'm going to die and being made to feel worse.  I don't believe it's wrong to post my problems here.

They keep cutting into my life.

They are teasing it would be okay if I didn't post here.